The Pattern
Stalking is not romance that went too far. It is not persistence. It is a pattern of unwanted contact that is designed to make you afraid: calls, appearances, gifts, messages from new accounts, friends contacted for information about you. Each act alone may look small. Together they say: I can reach you anywhere.
If you are being stalked, you already know the fear. You do not have to prove it to anyone. This guide is for documenting, protecting, and getting help.
What this is
Stalking takes many forms: following you, showing up at your home or workplace, repeated calls and messages, monitoring through technology, threatening friends or family, leaving unwanted gifts, tracking your location. Cyberstalking extends this online: fake accounts, message flooding, monitoring your social media, using mutual contacts to get information about you. Note that stalking and stalkerware often overlap. See the stalkerware guide for the technology layer.
How it is used against you
- Punishment for leaving. The stalker refuses to accept the relationship is over.
- Intimidation. Constant presence makes you feel you can never escape.
- Isolation. Friends and family are contacted, harassed, or used as informants.
- Information gathering. Building a picture of your life to maintain control.
- Escalation. Stalking can escalate to physical violence.
What to watch for
- Repeated unwanted contact: calls, texts, emails, messages across multiple platforms.
- Someone showing up where you are (home, work, school, stores) unexpectedly.
- Unwanted gifts, letters, or items left at your door.
- You sense you are being followed or watched.
- Friends or contacts report being approached for information about you.
- Your social media activity seems to be monitored: someone references things you only posted privately.
- New accounts keep appearing after you block someone.
- Damage to your property, pets, or vehicle.
What to do now
- Document everything. Keep a stalking log: date, time, location, what happened, witnesses. Save screenshots, voicemails, gifts. This is evidence.
- Tell trusted people. Inform your workplace, neighbors, building security, and friends so they can flag suspicious activity and do not share your schedule.
- Vary your routines. Change your routes, times, and patterns. Stalkers rely on predictability.
- Secure your home. Change locks, add cameras or a doorbell camera, inform building management.
- Limit public information. Set social media to private, remove location tags, ask friends not to post about you or tag you. See the data broker removal guide for removing your address from people-search sites.
- Block and report. Block new accounts, report to platforms. Do not respond to contact attempts: engagement can escalate.
- Consider a protective order. A restraining order or order of protection creates a legal boundary. Violations become arrestable offenses. A domestic violence advocate can help you file.
- Contact police for threats. If there are direct threats, property damage, or physical approach, file a report each time. The pattern matters.
- Use a safer device for planning. If the stalker may have access to your phone, use a trusted friend’s device or a burner for safety planning. See the stalkerware guide.
When to get help
Stalking is a crime in all US states and many countries. It can escalate to violence. If you are being stalked, a domestic violence advocate or stalking specialist can help you build a safety plan, pursue protective orders, and document effectively. SPARC (Stalking Prevention, Awareness, & Resource Center) trains advocates nationwide. Your local domestic violence program can connect you.
